My essay so far, constructive feedback?

Please note this is jsut so far, feedback please - constructive



A discussion of the development of the character of BIlly Wiles in Dean Koontz novel “Velocity”



essay :



“Velocity” , a fast paced novel by Dean Koontz, shows drastic development of the main character, Billy Wiles throughout the novel. The way in which Koontz narrates his novel and the incidents which take place allow the reader to get a vivid insight into the mind and character of Billy. I will analyse these techniques to show how the character of Billy Wiles is developed throughout the novel.



Billy Wiles is a simple bartender who finds himself spending his time working,carpentry and visiting his comatose fiance, that is however until he finds a note, neatly typed and folded under the windscreen wipers of his car - “If you don’t take this note to the police and get them involved, I will kill a lovely blond schoolteacher somewhere in Napa County. If you do take this note to the police , I will instead kill an elderly woman active in charity work. You have six hours to decide. The choice is yours. At first he dismisses this as a prank but when he hears reports of a schoolteachers death and another note appears Billy is forced into a vicious ‘game’ with the killer.





During the opening chapters of the novel the character of Billy is quickly established as you you would expect , a simple bartender - good at listening and very friendly with the punters.



“You’re like a sponge...You take everything in....But then your a stone too....if you’re squeezed, you give nothing back”



His character is shown to take everything in although not greatly apparent at this time throughout the novel and his overall transformation this skill proves useful and it itself develops.



The final chapters of the novel show a very different Billy, He becomes extremely aware of his surroundings and doesn’t hesitate:



“Billy stretched his hands into the latex gloves...He dared not wait”



He takes all the precautions you would not except any ordinary man to take wearing gloves so as not to leave evidence was a wise move and his overall transformation goes from being a simple bartender to a man forced to act on instinct.



Billys first main change come....To be continued



Cheers

BlairMy essay so far, constructive feedback?
I have made changes to your essay and I will explain them at the bottom. %26quot;()%26quot; illustrates a change to your essay.



A discussion of the development of the character of BIlly Wiles in Dean Koontz novel “Velocity”



essay :



Velocity() , a fast paced novel by Dean Koontz, shows drastic development of the main character()Billy Wiles throughout the novel. The way in which Koontz narrates his novel and the incidents which take place allow the reader to get () vivid insight into the mind and character of Billy. I will analyse these techniques to show how the character of Billy Wiles is developed throughout the novel.



Billy Wiles is a simple bartender who finds himself spending his time working,carpentry and visiting his comatose fiance,() until finds a note, neatly typed and folded under the windscreen wipers of his car ()“If you don’t take this note to the police and get them involved, I will kill a lovely blond schoolteacher somewhere in Napa County. If you do take this note to the police , I will instead kill an elderly woman active in charity work. You have six hours to decide. The choice is yours.%26quot;() At first he dismisses the note() as a prank but() later when he hears reports of a schoolteachers death and another note appears Billy is forced into a vicious ‘game’ with the killer.





During the opening chapters of the novel the character of Billy is quickly established as you you would expect , a simple bartender() who is good at listening and very friendly with the punters.



“You’re like a sponge...You take everything in....But then your a stone too....if you’re squeezed, you give nothing back”()10



Billy Wiles() is shown to take everything in although not greatly apparent at this time throughout the novel and his overall transformation this skill proves useful and it itself develops.()



The final chapters of the novel show a very different Billy, He becomes extremely aware of his surroundings and doesn’t hesitate:



“Billy stretched his hands into the latex gloves...He dared not wait”()



He takes all the precautions you would not except any ordinary man to take() such as wearing gloves so as not to leave evidence was a wise move and his overall transformation goes from being a simple bartender to a man forced to act on instinct.



Billys first main change come....To be continued



Cheers

Blair



1.() You should underline or italicize Velocity because it is the name of the novel.

2.() I omitted your comma because it was not nessecary

3.() I omitted %26quot;a%26quot; here

4.() I edited this sentence for cohesion

5.() A dash is unessecary there

6. () I ended the quotation, be certain to state the page number of the quotation if you are required to use this sort of citation.

7.() I changed the word %26quot;this%26quot; to %26quot;note%26quot;

8. () I added in the word %26quot;later%26quot; to convey the passage of time

9. () I took away the dash and added %26quot;who%26quot;1

10. () citation is required here ex: (Koontz 39).

11.() I changed %26quot;his character%26quot; to %26quot;Billy Wiles%26quot;

12. () run on sentence. I am not sure what you are trying to say here

13. () citation needed

14. I added %26quot;such as%26quot; for cohesion



Your essay is well written but there are a couple of grammatical errors I have fixed. Be certain to remove the parenthesis before you turn it in. Your information regarding the novel is good but check your grammar. Good luck on your essay!