Essay feedback , not finished yet but need an idea if im going in the right direction?

How is this sounding so far? feedback please



Question:



A discussion of the development of the character of BIlly Wiles in Dean Koontz novel “Velocity%26quot;.





Essay :

“Velocity” , a fast paced novel by Dean Koontz, shows drastic development of the main character, Billy Wiles throughout the novel. The incidents which take place allow the reader to get a vivid insight into the mind and character of Billy. I will analyse these techniques to show how the character of Billy Wiles is developed throughout the novel.



Billy Wiles is a simple bartender who finds himself spending his time working,carpentry and visiting his fiance who is in a coma, that is however until he finds a note, neatly typed and folded under the windscreen wipers of his car - “If you don’t take this note to the police and get them involved, I will kill a lovely blond schoolteacher somewhere in Napa County. If you do take this note to the police , I will instead kill an elderly woman active in charity work. You have six hours to decide. The choice is yours. At first he dismisses this as a prank but when he hears reports of a schoolteachers death and another note appears Billy is forced into a vicious ‘game’ with the killer.





During the opening chapters of the novel the character of Billy is quickly established as you would expect , a simple bartender - good at listening and very friendly with the punters.



“You’re like a sponge...You take everything in....But then your a stone too....if you’re squeezed, you give nothing back”



His character is shown to take everything in although not greatly apparent at this time throughout the novel and his overall transformation this skill proves useful.



The final chapters of the novel show a very different Billy, He becomes extremely aware of his surroundings and doesn’t hesitate, he also suffers a downfall form upstanding citizen to a criminal type:



“Billy stretched his hands into the latex gloves...He dared not wait”



He takes all the precautions you would not except any ordinary man to take wearing gloves so as not to leave evidence was a wise move and his overall transformation goes from being a simple bartender to a man forced to act on instinct.



Billys first main change comes fairly early in the novel, after finding the killers second victim to be none other than his best friend Lanny Olsen:



“An observer might have thought that Billy...had covered up crimes before...brutal experience had sharpened his imagination....”(P76).



The way Billys mind works when put under pressure is not the way in which we would expect from a bartender - placed in such a situation the mind does weird things , Koontz is trying to show this thought the whole book as a central theme .



Although it may seem he knows what he is doing Billy is far from confident,he is in complete contrast with the killer and he knows it - he is unorganised and scared and he knows it:



“The freak, wether known or unknown to billy, was a daunting adversary...he was bold but not reckless,psychopathic but self-controlled, clever, ingenious, cunning....” (P89)



Billys attitude towards the killer shows how he, although beginning to change in the things he does, is emotionally the same as any man would act in the situation.



Billy begins extending not just covering evidence physically but psychologically, lying to the police and using his charisma skills from being a bartender to do so effectively:



“Billy said, pleasantly surprised by the swiftness with which a suitable lie occurred to him.”(165)



Billy is becoming less hesitant than the start of the novel to lie well and without thinking is a development of Billy brought on by the situation the killer has placed him in.



Billy starts developing a strong willpower , he knows that it is the only way he will beat the killer and does what is needed:



“The prospect of turning out the dead man’s pockets disgusted him. He got on with it, anyway (P 189).



Although not happy with this task , Billy by getting on with this task is becoming more like the killer , without taking long to think due to the time restrictions placed on him, Billy is automatically reacting to the plot situations as they happen.Koontz makes this change very apparent in Billy through his word choice “He looked at his hands.He didn’t recognise them”.



Billys transformation is held back by his fiance Barbara, without her he would lose hope and let the killer win, the way in which he speaks of her shows that he is still a man with feelings.”Shes pale and thin, but she’s still beautiful to me,”.



In order for Billy to ease his suspicions of just who the killer is he takes to criminal activity, breaking an entering and disposing of corpses.This is a downfall for Billy and Koontz uses this to show how a few incidents in a good mans life can ultimately change it completely.



Cheers

Blair



Essay feedback , not finished yet but need an idea if im going in the right direction?
You have some minor spelling, punctuation and grammar issues throughout, however, the biggest problem is that you change %26quot;person%26quot; throughout the entire essay.



First NEVER write what you will do -- you do NOT use first person in an essay.

%26quot;I will analyse these ..%26quot;

To say nothing of the fact you misspelled analyze.



You also use SECOND person AND THIRD person. Stick to one -- third.



Fix the %26quot;person%26quot; issue, clean up the spelling and grammar and you'll have a pretty decent essay for a mid-high school level (10-11 grade).



Don't listen to the people who just tell you it's great to get your points (although feel free to award them, because I don't care about them).

Essay feedback , not finished yet but need an idea if im going in the right direction?
its sounding great Blair. good job!!Essay feedback , not finished yet but need an idea if im going in the right direction?
Wow! Impressive! I think you have a very good handle on it.



One caution: be sure to check spelling and punctuation. When finished, read it aloud with a red pen in hand - mark the spots where you need to fix errors.



Again, an excellent effort!Essay feedback , not finished yet but need an idea if im going in the right direction?
This is really amazing. I would expect that you would get an A++ on this. You really put a lot of effort in it.



It is absolutely impressive, but you have a couple spelling errors. Analyse is supposed to be %26quot;ANALYZE%26quot; with a %26quot;z,%26quot; but it is really good, You used nice adjectives and you described the book vividly.