Thursday, September 22, 2011

How is my essay so far, feedback?

question:



A discussion of the development of the character of BIlly Wiles in Dean Koontz novel “Velocity”





“Velocity” , a fast paced novel by Dean Koontz, shows drastic development of the main character, Billy Wiles throughout the novel. The way in which Koontz narrates his novel and the incidents which take place allow the reader to get a vivid insight into the mind and character of Billy. I will analyse these techniques to show how the character of Billy Wiles is developed throughout the novel.



Billy Wiles is a simple bartender who finds himself spending his time working,carpentry and visiting his comatose fiance, that is however until he finds a note, neatly typed and folded under the windscreen wipers of his car - “If you don’t take this note to the police and get them involved, I will kill a lovely blond schoolteacher somewhere in Napa County. If you do take this note to the police , I will instead kill an elderly woman active in charity work. You have six hours to decide. The choice is yours. At first he dismisses this as a prank but when he hears reports of a schoolteachers death and another note appears Billy is forced into a vicious ‘game’ with the killer.



During the opening chapters of the novel the character of Billy is quickly established as you you would expect , a simple bartender - good at listening and very friendly with the punters.



“You’re like a sponge...You take everything in....But then your a stone too....if you’re squeezed, you give nothing back”



His character is shown to take everything in although not greatly apparent at this time throughout the novel and his overall transformation this skill proves useful and it itself develops.



Is this good so far, wondering if you think is hould have anotehr paragraph in between to show the change in a general form then talk about it in detail.



Thanks in advane

BlairHow is my essay so far, feedback?
i like it.. you could add the other paragraph though :]



but good work!How is my essay so far, feedback?
Good, but don't forget to cite p. number!How is my essay so far, feedback?
essays good..



book suxHow is my essay so far, feedback?
That idea it's been done by Edgar Cayce.. did you subcosciously get the idea from him? Only with Edgar Cayce the name in store was Hughes!

Your article alot shorter.. needs more to it! Rather insufficient!How is my essay so far, feedback?
i like it great choice of diction. the only thing i would change is in the first paragraph you say %26quot;i will analyze these techniques%26quot; i was always told to not use first person while writing an essay analyzing a book. i would write something like %26quot;those techniques koontz used in his novel displays how the character of Billy Wiles is developed throughout the novel.%26quot; or something along those lines. my Ap teachers always drilled into us to not use first person when analyzing an novel in an essay. i would also lengthen the essay, and fix the syntax and organization of it.How is my essay so far, feedback?
This is pretty well written. My main criticism is that in your opening paragraph, your last sentence should be more of a thesis statement. Meaning you should find a way to tell what your paper is going to be about without actually saying %26quot;I am going to tell you about this%26quot;



%26quot;I will analyze these techniques to show how the character of Billy wiles is developed throughout the novel%26quot; is too 'this is who i am and this is what i'm doing'. you have to find a more...for lack of a better word, literary way of saying that and at the same time, introduce what your paper will be about. Take the general point of your paper and turn it into a thesis statement. Since your talking about character development, maybe have it sound something like this:

%26quot;Billy Wiles's world was turned upside down when he was forced to turn from simple bartender to the decider of strangers' fates%26quot;



or something. I hope that makes sense, its hard to explain in writing.

I think you should add on to your last paragraph, because it currently doesn't make a lot of sense. Actually to be honest, i have no idea what you're trying to say there. It's a very long run-on sentence. Reading it aloud to yourself will help you make the proper corrections.





Oh, and just so you don't have this error because i used to do this all the time, when referring to the female, it is fiancee. the man is the fiance.



I hope this was helpful, and good luck with your essay!How is my essay so far, feedback?
Its Ok

you need to cite the page from the quote

your Intro definitely needs to be changed-never use I in any way unless its a quote, try to make the essay interesting to read(its sounds pretty boring, and make it a bit longer.





And if you want a better chance at a good grade, them try to put your paper on the top of the pile of essays, the more papers he reads, the higher his expectations will get, so if he reads your essay first, his expectations will be lower.How is my essay so far, feedback?
Good essay. If you think you can come up with another paragraph, do it. More work, the better.How is my essay so far, feedback?
Your paper lacks focus, and you'll need citations for each quote. You will also need secondary sources to back up your claim of 'character development.' I know you may think it's simple to say that character x develops throughout the novel, but the reader doesn't know what you mean by %26quot;develops.%26quot;

Based on your quotes, I could easily make the case, %26quot;Bill Wiles remains a stagnate character throughout Velocity's plot.%26quot; Was Bill introduced as a kindly fellow who wouldn't harm a fly, but as the plot thickens, he becomes more volatile? Or does Bill make violent statements from the beginning, which other characters take as jokes, when in fact he truly is violent? At what point does Bill change? What narrative dialogue emphasizes Bill's metamorphosis from good guy to insane murderer? At this point, I'm not convinced of your premise or the evidence, backing up your conclusion. Convince me.

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