Is my essay introduction okay? feedback ?

Feedback would be nice :)



Question :



A discussion of the development of the character of BIlly Wiles in Dean Koontz novel “Velocity”



Essay:



“Velocity” - a fast paced novel by Dean koontz shows great change in the main character of Billy Wiles throughout the novel. The way in which Koontz narrates his novel and the incidents which take place allow the reader to get a vivid incite into the mind of Billy. I will analyse these techniques to show how the character of Billy Wiles is developed throughout the novel.



Billy Wiles is a simple bartender who finds himself spending his time working,carpentry and visiting his comatised fiance, that is however until he finds a note, neatly typed and folded under the windscreen wipers of his car - “If you don’t take this note to the police and get them involved, I will kill a lovely blond schoolteacher somewhere in Napa County. If you do take this note to the police , I will instead kill an elderly woman active in charity work. You have six hours to decide. The choice is yours. At first he dismisses this as a prank but when he hears reports of a schoolteachers death and another note appears Billy is forced into a vicious ‘game’ with the killer.



Thanks in advanceIs my essay introduction okay? feedback ?
==%26gt; (That's me ?speaking“. I do not claim to have found all the typing errors or wrong spellings in your essay, but let me tell you that it makes a good introduction: ( My signs =%26gt; mean: Check this word! I just ask you to check.)

Not have a look at your own text:

“Velocity” - a fast paced ( fast-paced=%26gt; hyphenated?) novel by Dean =%26gt;Koontz shows great change in the main character of Billy Wiles throughout the novel. The way in which Koontz narrates his novel and the incidents which take place allow the reader to get a vivid incite (=%26gt; You mean insight, I guess?) into the mind of Billy. I will analyse (=%26gt;Does your teacher accept the British way of writing? The WEBSTER tells me %26quot;analyZe) to show how the character of Billy Wiles is developed throughout the novel.

Billy Wiles is a simple bartender who finds himself spending his time working,carpentry and visiting his comatised (=%26gt;Check the word. Is it in use?Then write it ..ize or should you better use ?comatose“)

fiance(=%26gt;I guess you mean it is a female person.Then it's ?fiancée“,

(WEBSTER) ) , that is however(=%26gt; Why do you use ?however“? Isn't it better to leave it out and to go on by your own words==%26gt; ... until he finds a note, neatly typed and folded under the windscreen wipers of his car - “If you don’t take this note to the police and get them involved, I will kill a lovely blond schoolteacher somewhere in Napa County. If you do take this note to the police , I will instead kill an elderly woman active in charity work. You have six hours to decide. The choice is yours.(=%26gt;after YOURS to indicate the end of quoting the quotation mark %26quot; ).

At first he dismisses this as a prank but when he hears reports of a schoolteachers ( =%26gt;spelling: schoolteacher's, apostrophe!) )death and another note appears. (=%26gt;Period) Billy is forced into a vicious ‘game’ with the killer.



=%26gt; You did well. I try to read the book. Isn't that a positive effect of what you wrote?



HySt2812

Is my essay introduction okay? feedback ?
Yeah, since its really hard for me to understand, your teacher will think its good probably. Im a valid reference pointIs my essay introduction okay? feedback ?
I would change the second sentence so it rolls a little better:



The way in which Koontz narrates his novel and the incidents which take place allow the reader vivid insight into Billy's mind. (correct your spelling on %26quot;insight%26quot;)



Maybe remove %26quot;Billy Wiles%26quot; in the last sentence of the first paragraph - you've mentioned him a couple of times so it is clear of whom you are speaking.



In the second paragraph, you need a quotation mark to show the end of the quote after %26quot;The choice is yours.%26quot;



Add a comma to this sentence: At first he dismisses this as a prank but when he hears reports of a schoolteachers death and another note appears, Billy is forced into a vicious ‘game’ with the killer.





Other than those minor changes I think it's great! It reads well and I kind of want to read the book now. :o) Best wishes for an A!Is my essay introduction okay? feedback ?
I'll edit the paragraphs according to what I think sounds correct. The disclaimer is that although I do well in English classes, I'm no professor. So take this with a grain of salt.



Velocity (underlined, not in quotes), a fast-paced novel by Dean Koontz, shows the drastic development of character, Billy Wiles, throughout the novel. The detailed narration of the novel, and the situations in which Billy finds himself, paint a vivid picture for Koontz' readers. An analysis of these techniques shows the development of Billy throughout the novel.



Billy Wiles is a simple bartender who spends his time working as a carpenter and visiting his comatose fiance. One day, he finds a note, neatly typed and folded under the windscreen wipers of his car. “If you don’t take this note to the police and get them involved, I will kill a lovely blond schoolteacher somewhere in Napa County. If you do take this note to the police, I will instead kill an elderly woman active in charity work. You have six hours to decide. The choice is yours,%26quot; the note reads. At first he dismisses the warning as a prank, but when he hears reports of a schoolteachers death and another note appears, Billy is forced into a vicious ‘game’ with the killer.



Hope this helps you! A few minor changes in wording and punctuation should help!